end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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