rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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