Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
