Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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