I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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