Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
