Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
