Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
