I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
