I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
