we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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