when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
