i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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