Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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