There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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