how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
