We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
