I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
