What a fucking waste of an outfit
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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