whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize