That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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