the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We got so high we made milksteak
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
