new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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