dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
