My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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