I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
