If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize