Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
And the cops told us we were all naked.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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