so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
