Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
