I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
His hands were made for my vagina.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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