omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
