I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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