I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
