I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
