Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize