Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
