the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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