Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize