I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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