Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
