Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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