do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
