I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
