I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
