hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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