it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We need to rekindle our bromance
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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