He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
