i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize