he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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