My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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