yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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