Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
