Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
