the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I bet he comes in French.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
