Me. At least after what I've been through.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize