last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I need a burrito and a hug.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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