i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
