Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize