So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
