Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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