I'm drive I can fine osifer
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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