Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
