singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
