is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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