If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize