I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
