We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
