I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We have so much sex to catch up on
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
