Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
