i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
