Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize