Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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